Ocean of You

I’ve smelled love
In bombfires and ocean air
Wet wool nights and ashes

I’ve seen love
On the horizon of shadows
Of dreams refusing to set

I’ve tasted love
On the lips of a slow goodbye
In a handful of Sunday coffee

I’ve heard love
Echoing in barren lands
Where it had no sense in being

But I’d never held love before
Through the terror of all senses
Until you crawled into my arms
Under my skin
Into my blood
Making my body
A home of memories
Making my heart
An ocean of you

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Back to Black

Night will paint you black like a sky of timid stars waiting for the moon to rise. Let it. The dawn will break as it did the day before, but this time the light feels different on your heart. Let it in. The sun will overpower the sky, beating down on your skin, beckoning your exposure. Answer with vulnerability. You are a woman of all seasons. A woman of all phases. In your light, in your dark, in your knowing, in your wandering…you are beautiful. Know this. Treasure this. Then let it all go. You have nothing to prove, your wisdom lays in your openness to discover. To embrace the unknown. Fly now, as you were always meant to. You were built to endure. Build to burn and rise again. You have the courage to leap and to fall. You are designed to house the world inside your pulsing soul and soft fingertips. Never forget your greatest tools lay within. You are a creator. Come back to nature and you will come back to yourself.

Petals

Heavy dose of fog on the horizon slowly dissolving. Early morning bone chill. Craving gardenias and a soul infusion. Seeing beyond the flower into the roots of the bloom. The rain and dirt. Dark nights and dropped petals. The ever changing path of growth. Timeless. Boundless. Inevitable. You blossom where you have allowed yourself to travel. Where you have allowed yourself to unfold. Where you have opened yourself to the impossible. Your beauty is deeper than what can be seen by the eyes alone. So feel deeper, you are layers upon layers of potential waiting to be found.

Running and Rooting

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The first moments of sunset. Last call for a horizon on fire. I lay tossed on a grassy field underneath a split sky. Wondering if you can see all the beauty I see within you, within me. Percolating thunderstorms roll over the soft blue of a sun splashed day. My unruly feminine form surrounded by mountains and flooded with the same contrast as the cloudscape hovering over me. Such intense wonder and corresponding heart pain. Where I love the most, the beauty is laced with ache. The shadow side of passion. The balance to navigating through a temporal existence with an open heart. To living and loving fully. Deeply. Each explosion of thunder rips me down the middle. I toss my arms up behind me and open my chest to the sky. My enduring strength shape-shifts into surrender. Leaving me to cry out an ocean of questions, fears, dreams, longings and desires. Letting my salty release pour into the ground below me. Renewing life. Cleansing. Clarifying. I’ve had to teach myself that tears aren’t weakness, they are another reflection of strength. Feeling it all and swimming through the depths is the way of the true warrior. I offer my heart to this moment of solitude and honor the duality of all that is light and dark within me. All that is light and dark within you. That collision of love and loss. Of hope and despair. Of connection and separation. Of life and death. These cycles of implosion and expansion. I give and receive it all. All because of love. All because of you.
I float among the clouds somewhere between an end and another new beginning. Where colors and textures overlap. Always straddling this line of letting go and holding on. Of running and rooting. Of merging and blocking. I’m at home in the space between, where dreamers hold court for the manifestation of new worlds. I find comfort in potential and am seduced by all that could be created in the blank canvas of the unknown. I reach for you. My endless dream. Calling out in thunder and pending rain. Can you hear me rumble through time and space? Can you feel me dance and tremble in your rain? My body is a vessel for more than I can comprehend. Yet, here I am beneath a sky of incremental change, knowing that the answers I seek lay in this thunderous silence. So I listen. Through my body. Through each breath caught in my throat. Through closed eyes and a pulsing soul. I press my body into the earth and release my heart to the galaxies within and without. We cannot expand without allowing the outgrown pieces of us fall behind. What we become in the wake of change is up to how much we are willing to face within ourselves. Within each other. Behind every goodbye is a tiny death. Behind every moment of pleasure is the same. But in love, there is no distance. In connection, there is no time. We can carry with us all that we can hold. The beauty you can’t say goodbye to, is the beauty that becomes you.

Countdown

You knew how to please me
Better than I could please myself
You held me with more compassion
Than I could hold for myself
I couldn’t fight back the shame
Of causing that frantic look
In your eyes
I couldn’t find a way
To forgive myself
For letting us down

I remember the last time
I was yours
Laying together
In a city classic bay window
Not our home
Not our bed
Your interim solace
With an ultimatum 
Gone South

I remember the smell
Of sex and desperation
Of fog and tear drops
Of anger and fear
Knowing this time
I had dropped us
Too far off the shore
To ever swim back

I remember the sound
Of the old pipes in the walls
Of our hearts breaking
Through skin and bone
Of our words cradled
Between us
Not daring escape

I remember watching
A love
That wasn’t meant
For goodbye
Fall apart
In fast forward

I remember feeling
Like a stranger
In the arms
Of the only love
I’d ever known

Morning came
You made breakfast
I made waves
Of coffee and confusion

We were numb with disbelief
Unsure of how to function
Without an us

A sunny Sunday in San Francisco
Never looked so grey

As I drove away